Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
