Your dad touched me again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize