Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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