i permit you to call me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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