pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
