my room smells like sperm. sweet.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
