my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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