Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
