just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
