nut hugger
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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