I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
