you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize