It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
