i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
