I will die if light touches me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
