I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your dad touched me again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize