I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FUCK WHALES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
