my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
