I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
