too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
