You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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