Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
