he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
