I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
