Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
