smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
