Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize