I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
