I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We named our party play list daddy issues
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
