these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
