She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
