This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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