I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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