i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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