you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't deserve a penis
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
