What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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