that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
