so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
