Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
