porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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