Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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