they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
