Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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