You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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