I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
