I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
