Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
