I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
