i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
