I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sober January is a disaster.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
