I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
