I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
