Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
