dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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