Just cropdusted the office
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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