that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
