U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
