i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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