dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just google imaged poop.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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