You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
