i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
