You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
