i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
