For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
