She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
