I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize