I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
