That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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