Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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