he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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