oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
