That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize