Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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