Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
