So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
