I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
