Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
