I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
