god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
