I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
