I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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