So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
