I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
