we're blogging at a bar
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
