I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
