Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
