How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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