I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
