yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I believe in your delicious
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
