hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
